Category: Marriage

In American society and even among many evangelical Christians, the term submission is often considered a dirty word. This term tends to be particularly offensive to women, most of whom have some vague notion that the Bible commands them to be submissive to men because of their inferior status. Based on general perceptions of his teachings, many consider the apostle Paul to be sexist in his theology. While, in actuality, these notions are false, they are exaggerated and perpetrated by American culture’s perception of what a woman should be. Culture says women are no different from men and, thus, should compete with them at every level. Society tells women (and men for that matter) to look out for “number one” and to subject themselves to no one. The message women are receiving from the world is that homemaking is for the unintelligent, children are a burden, and husbands must be controlled and manipulated through sexual prowess. While the world’s message is loud and clear, Christian women must consult a different source for the knowledge of real truth. The questions must be asked: What does God say about the nature and role of women? What is God’s agenda for the Christian wife? Nancy Wilson writes, “We must find out what the Bible teaches about marriage, about children, about men and women and their roles, and then we must be obedient with no apologies, no matter what the cost. Is this radical Christianity? No. This is basic Christianity.”

 The good news for women is that, upon careful and thorough study of the biblical text, the truth emerges that Paul really was not at all sexist in his teaching. On the contrary, he held women in high regard as created by God with great dignity, worth, and unique purpose. This paper will focus specifically on the Bible’s teaching concerning the submissive role of wives to their husbands. The goal is to clearly demonstrate that the biblical mandate for submission of wives to husbands within marriage is not a sexist concept. Rather, it is God’s perfect, creation design, established to beautifully accomplish His redemptive and Kingdom purposes. Furthermore, it is not and was never intended to be a punishment or demeaning burden to women. Rather, God’s design for submission is intended to be a gift of grace to wives, their husbands and the family as a whole. 

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The excerpt above is the introduction to a research paper I recently finished for my Marriage and Family Counseling class. I was motivated to write on this topic after a discussion in my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) small group. When the concept of submission came up, someone commented, “Submission is a dirty word in our culture!” And isn’t that the truth!?! Without the transforming power of Christ in our hearts, we all internally resist submission to anyone or anything. It’s part of our fallenness. But to the one who is found in Christ, submission shouldn’t be a dirty word. The Bible tells us all to submit to God. It also tells us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. The Bible calls children to submit to parents, wives to submit to husbands, and all people to submit to governing authorities. Submission is a truly Christian concept.

This paper was written in an effort to bring to light what the Bible really teaches concerning the submission of wives to their husbands. Writing this paper was convicting to my own heart, as I realized how my own spirit so easily rebels against submission to my husband and ultimately to God. But in Christ, there is hope for me. And for you. My prayer is that, as women and wives grow in their affection for the Lord Jesus and His Word, we will truly see the beauty and grace in God’s design for submission within the marriage relationship. Because we follow a God who is perfect in character…perfect in wisdom and love and truth…we can obey His way with trust and joy.

You can read the whole paper here. While it is somewhat lengthy, it is necessary to read  it in its entirety in order to avoid a skewed perspective. So, read it when you have some time, when you need a resource as you minister to women in your sphere of life, or when you’re just seeking to grow in your personal knowledge of the Bible’s teaching on this issue.

I recently read a thought-provoking blog post about singleness and marriage over at the Sojourn Women’s blog. In this particular post, the author {who happens to be the grader for one of my counseling classes} talks about various struggles that both single and married women face as believers. She talks about the importance of open dialogue between both single and married women as we walk together on this journey of faith and seek to love each other well:

{Below is an excerpt from said blog post, but you should definitely go back and read the full article! Seriously. Go read it. And read the comments for various perspectives and clarification of truth.}

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Whether God is calling you to be single or to be married, He is calling you first to love, worship and serve Him. If you can do that best by being married, He will take care of that detail. If, however, you can do that best as a single woman, then allow God to be God…

because there is absolutely nothing better than God being God. He’s perfect. He’s gracious. He’s kind. He loves fully. And his plan for your life is better than your own.

Single friends, what is your hope for getting married? What do you really want by longing for marriage? What do you think will change in your life by being married? What desires do you want to fulfill by being married? Are there places in your heart that are not trusting God to love you in the best way possible? If so, why do you not trust Him? In what ways do you need to learn more about God’s character and seek Him in relationship so those desires are met in Christ alone (and so this can be more than a pretty, little phrase that we say)?

Married friends, are you honest with how marriage truly is? Do you put up a front to make your marriage look prettier than it actually is? When things are hard in your marriage, are you sharing it with others as a picture of how the Gospel applies during hardships? Are you being humble to admit that you are sinful in your marriage? This is not a thought process to decapitate your spouse, but to admit the reality of your own sin and needed change before God and others.

Sisters, ask each other these questions! I pray we will have a community with open dialogue and encouragement towards one another as we discover the comfort offered through the Gospel whether single or married.

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I think it is very easy for all Christian women to fall into a pattern of not being real. Think about it. We love to present the “pretty” parts of our lives to others. We post pictures and blog about the good and fun and exciting parts of our lives. I read a quote somewhere {Pinterest I think} that talked about how, as women, we grow discontent because we compare our “behind the scenes” to everyone else’s “highlight reel.”

But the truth is that everyone has issues. Everyone has struggles and hardships. Everyone sins. And by being real about these things, we can edify the body. When we share our struggles, we are telling others that we need the power of the Gospel on a daily basis. We need Jesus. Not just on the day he saved us first, but every day. Furthermore, when we are honest about our struggles we open ourselves up for admonition and encouragement {prayerfully leading to growth and change} from other sisters in the Lord.

So, the truth about marriage—or at least something I’ve learned so far in my short {almost} 4 years. Marriage is a gift, yes. Marriage can bring so much joy and fun, yes. BUT! Marriage is painful. {And not just because you disagree about whether or not to wash the food off the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, which we do}. Marriage is painful because it exposes ugliness in your heart. When you live in such close relationship  {and proximity} with another person, you see your own propensity to sin lived out in the flesh. Marriage allows you to see just how short you fall of living up to the calling to which you have been called. And it’s not pretty. It’s not something you want to post on Facebook or your blog.

Adam and I disagree. We fight, yes. Sometimes even to the point that I’m not sure how we’re going to come to an agreement and work it out. We are selfish. Too often, we seek our own good above the good of the other. We sin against each other. We even fall into sin in the way we fight and in the way we repsond to differences.

We are constantly having to come to one another and say: “I was wrong. I sinned against you. Please forgive me.” And this is painful. Because it highlights our weakness. It demonstrates in living color how we fail in the God-given purpose for marriage. Isn’t marriage supposed to be a picture of Christ and the Church? Aren’t we supposed to point others to the Gospel through our marriage? Am I not to respect Adam with the upmost respect? Is he not to love me sacrificially as Christ loved His bride?

Yes.

But as Adam reminded me just the other day, God is faithful in HIS purpose for marriage even when we fall short. And we can picture Christ and the church even when we mess up IF we return to one another and seek forgiveness for sin. Because isn’t this what we’re constantly having to do as Christ’s bride {while we’re here on this earth}? How many times do we mess up? How many times do we sin against Him? Daily, we are constantly having to turn from sin and turn to Christ, asking His forgiveness. This is what trusting Jesus and walking in faith is all about. And glory to God, through HIM we find undeserved grace and restoration.

So, friends, the truth is that marriage isn’t always “a romantic holiday.” Sometimes it’s downright hard and painful. BUT! In Christ there is hope for restoration between two wretched sinners. And In Christ, there is restoration between all sinners—married, single, or anywhere in between–and the Father.

And this brings hope. Blessed, blessed hope.